I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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