I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just want nice things and good sex
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize