I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
