We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
