1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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