He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
