I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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