Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
