apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just cropdusted the office
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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