she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
