Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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