I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
