It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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