just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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