Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
