I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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