NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
