it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
