Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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