kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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