She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
me + whiskey = a bad person
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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