we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
