my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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