Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize