If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
