So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
