South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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