He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
