I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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