I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
is wine microwaveable?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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