More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Someone shattered a urinal.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
