it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
