My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
