Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
