Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he was CRYING into my vagina
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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