Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
