We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
