y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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