no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
