That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
