He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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