You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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