I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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