My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
