yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
