I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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