Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
