Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
