I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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