i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
