I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
