She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
