I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
