Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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