HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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