Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
