Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Watching her eat just hurts me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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