I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
