Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
