I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize