You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
