I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
