you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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