Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
