So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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