pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
