when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
