Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
