I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
