I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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