Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just pee around me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
