You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
kristin has been a bad kristin
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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