I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
