Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
