Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize