I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
