it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
