She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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