I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
