Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
