Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I will be naked everywhere
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
