there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
