my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
