call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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