I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
