is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
