I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
