Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
