Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
