how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
